My son is going to be 3 years old this September, and I often get asked the question “When are you having another one?” And my reply is always “Oh no no no, no more kids for this girl!” “I learned my lesson the 1st time.”
As much as I would love to bless my son with a sibling and my fiancé with a biological child of his own, I just flat out don’t want to do it all over again.
“I was so scared and afraid that I would hurt him…”
When I first had my son, I was a single mom for the 1st year. That could be part of why I cringe at having another child. Although the situation would be different this time around. Dad would be involved and available to help, but I feel like a majority of responsibilities of a child still fall on Mama’s shoulders. I mean, that’s 9 full months of baby #2 camping out in my not so hospitable uterus.
I was diagnosed with a bicornuate uterus when I was 5 months pregnant with Matthew. Basically, instead of my uterus being normal shaped like a pear, it’s shaped like a heart.
“What use to be perfect perky little titties are now deflated little bags on my chest.”
My OBGYN was concerned that my son would be born prematurely due to not having enough room to grow. That was absolutely nerve wrecking for me. I am a diagnosed Paranoid Schizophrenic, so I don’t just worry about things….. I tend to obsess over them and stress myself out beyond belief.
Stress=Bad For Preggo Mama.
Here are 10 Reasons I don’t want to have another child:
- I’m Broke! I’m not saying that I am broke and can’t afford it. But what I am saying is I’M BROKE AND CAN’T AFFORD IT! Daycare for my son right now averages $600-$800/month. That’s more than my mortgage. My fiancé and I both work, and we both need to work in order to make ends meet and live somewhat comfortably. Can you imagine a daycare bill for 2 kids, with 2 full time working parents?!? Don’t even get me started on cost of diapers, car seat, food etc. That means no more vacations. No Disney World. I want to be able to give my son experiences. I also don’t like to stress out about money, so I’ll side step that land mine all together.
- I’m too old & tired. Yes, I am too old. I will be 35 this year. On top of all the health issues that come along with being pregnant at 35 or older, I just don’t have the energy for it. I’m finally in a place where my son sleeps through the night. It took a long time to get there. I was so on the go with my son that I lost so much weight that I weighed less than I did before I got pregnant with him. I can’t afford to loose anymore weight or sleep!
- I hated being pregnant! Couldn’t stand it one bit. Although I was really lucky and didn’t have any pregnancy symptoms like morning sickness or such.But I was so unbelievably uncomfortable! My hip ached constantly, my public bone was fractured from the weight of my son on my small frame. The whole Bicornuate Uterus thing was shitty. I was beyond exhausted almost the entire pregnancy. I don’t want to do it again. No, no, and hell to the no!
- My fiancé does’t want another child. Brandon came into our lives a year after Matthew was born. So he missed out on the first part of parenting. But he def didn’t miss a beat after that. Don’t get me wrong, he loves our son, but having kids is hard, and he’s not ashamed to admit that, to me or anyone. He is in the same boat as I am with exhaustion. By the end of the day he’s whooped. He works full time, and is Dad full time. Now if he wanted to have a child with me, I would be open to the idea possibly. But as of now he’s on the same hell no ride I am.
- I don’t like what pregnancy did to my body. Most will say that I look exactly the same. But no one knows my body like I do. I have struggled with self acceptance and image issues my entire life. After having Matthew my body changed, and I don’t like the way it has changed. It’s taken me almost 3 years to accept the fact that my body is fine, and that it performed one of the most amazing miracles ever!!! My body created a tiny human and kept him safe for 9 months, and fed him for 13 months. And to me it def shows. What use to be perfect perky little titties are now deflated little bags on my chest. My cute round butt is now a little saggy. And again, the stress of having a child made me loose weight. No more. I don’t want to do it again.
- Mental Health. I suffered from severe postpartum depression with my son. It was PURE HELL!!!! I didn’t even realize what was happening as images raced through my mind of drowning my son, or putting a pillow over his face to shut him up when he was collic. I was so scared and afraid that I would hurt him that I basically stayed away from him except to make sure he had what he needed, food, clean diaper, clothes etc. There was no cuddling for weeks, almost months. He was my entire world I love him so much, and I couldn’t understand why I couldn’t control the thoughts in my head of hurting him. And that’s not the worst part. I wouldn’t even take him in public with me anywhere because I was so paranoid that someone was going to steal him from me. Or that we would get in a car accident and he would die. I was paranoid he would die to the point I lost so much sleep. Later on I was diagnosed with postpartum depression, that triggered a psychosis episode which in turn led to a Schizoaffective disorder diagnoses. It took some time to get medicated correctly, and get back in track, but all is well now. And I for damn sure do not want to risk another episode.
- I’m too damn selfish! I 100% admit that I am selfish!!!! Yes, everything I do, decide, act on, etc I think of my son and family first. But the early months and 1st year of being a mom I had no time to do ANYTHING for myself!!! I was lucky to even take a fucking shower. It was all Matthew, Matthew, Matthew. Which is great, and normal!!! But he’s going on 3 years old now, and I’m finally being able to find time for me again! I forgot what it felt like to do things for myself. And I’ll be god damned if i give that up when i just finally got to have some me time. He’s not as needy as baby’s are. He’s growing and becoming a little more independent each day. Which leaves a little bit more room and time for Mama time. I love being a mom. It’s a dream come true in every aspect! But I also love me, Krystle- the woman before she was a mom. I’m just now getting to know her again, so I think I’ll hold on to her a little longer.
- I would like to have some alone time with my fiancé. Like I said before, my fiancé and I both work full time, and Matthew is also our full time life. We struggle to find time as a couple. We are always Mom & Dad. There isn’t ever really a Krystle & Brandon. So I’m really looking forward (not rushing), to when Matthew has grown, for Brandon and I to start our lives together as a couple, and get to know each other outside of parenthood. Seriously, we keep trying to make a date night every month for him and I to have some alone time, but something always comes up. I imagine in 15 years when Matthew is 18 years old, we can get that time alone together. If we have another child now, that will set us back another 3-4 years. Not something I want to do.
- I don’t have the patience. I have friends who have multiple children, and good lord do they fight!!!!! I bout want to loose my damn mind on other peoples fighting children, I can’t imagine having two or more of my own fighting. Patience isn’t something that comes natural for me. And I was raised by the most impatient woman on this planet. I have only started to learn patience since I had my son almost 3 years ago. But I by no means have it down to an art, and still struggle daily to have enough patience for him. My mother had 4 of us, and most of my childhood I just remember her being miserable, and angry, and yelling, and drinking. And she was sure to let us know that it was us kids that drove her to that point. As an adult I realize that those were issues of her own that she never faced and was tossing blame around to justify her actions. But still, even now when I loose my patients, my mother comes out and it scares me. I don’t want to feed that monster inside of me, when I haven’t fully faced her or mastered control over her. I don’t want my family to see me miserable & angry. They deserve a happy joyful Mom. They deserve that.
- There isn’t any room for another child. We live in a 2 bedroom, 1 bath cottage type little home. A home that I love, but also a home that is already beginning to be to small. We literally have no room for another child! Shit, I don’t even have a room of my own to escape to. I hide in the bathroom when I want to eat chocolate alone, and when I have to do bills my kitchen table disappears under a plethora of paper-work cause I don’t have an office or anywhere else to do that kind of stuff. We don’t even have people over for dinner cause there would be no where to sit. I would love to have more space, but at the same time I like our little home. It’s comfortable and welcoming. Matthew has enough room to be comfortable as well. But def no room for another child. I spilled hot coffee all over my fiancé while he sat on the pot trying to do his biz, and I was trying to put lotion on, whilst trying to keep our son from opening the sink drawer! It was a hot mess!
Now I’m not saying that if by chance I did become pregnant and another child was in Gods plan, that we wouldn’t make it work. But right now I feel like I have control over that plan, or lack thereof. So again. Hell to the no!